Breaking the Mold: Hidden Identity Traps That Quietly Shape (and Limit) Us
Part 2 - The Traps of Identity
There are so many other identity traps that a single essay couldn’t name them all. But if I had to mention a few, here are the ones I believe matter most.
1. Identity as a mental prison
This is the moment when we start to become what others think of us. There was a time in my life when I thought: if someone is going to judge me or doubt me without a valid reason, then I might as well give them one.
A bitter thought, but I know I’m not the only one who’s had it. Today, though, I realize it’s not the solution. I don’t have a definitive answer to this situation, but I’ve come to understand one thing:
nothing obliges me to wear the labels the world sticks on me.
I prefer to ask questions, to try to understand, before jumping to conclusions—and that’s helped me a lot. Because often, this mental prison leads us to repeat the same internal script: “That’s not for us,” “We’ll never be given that.”
And yet, all it takes is for one of us to dare to ask, to challenge that shared belief, and reality begins to take on an entirely different shape.
That attitude is what allowed me to find work where I was told it was impossible. And to this day, it continues to open doors for me. I now enjoy privileges I was once told were out of reach for people ‘like me’—all because I refused to accept the sentence handed down by the team, and instead chose to ask a simple question.
2. The Obsession with Consistency
I often hear people complain constantly about how much things change in their lives. Yet we live in a world of perpetual change. And while some may find that sad in certain ways, we have to accept that values change too: respect isn’t exactly what it used to be, nor is love, or human rights, working conditions, our artists, or even our beliefs.
Wanting to stay true to oneself is admirable—it requires solid principles and a strong inner foundation—but I also believe it’s crucial to recognize when it’s time to adapt, when a belief or a value has become more of a burden than a support.
There was a time when society conditioned women to stay at home, raise children, and serve their husbands. In some countries, women couldn’t work or even own anything without their husband's permission—not even a bank account. But today, things have changed. Women enjoy more freedom now, and in my view, that’s a fair, necessary, and legitimate step forward.
Well… for the most part.
Still, some men continue to complain about that freedom. Some even go so far as to reduce a woman’s worth to that of a housekeeper, as if the world hadn’t moved forward in a hundred years.
I’m not here to judge anyone—that’s not the point. All I want to say is this: to live peacefully with oneself, you sometimes have to be like a liquid—flexible, adaptable—able to take the shape of your container without losing your nature.
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Core message:
We’re often shaped by the labels others place on us, but we don’t have to accept them as truth. Identity becomes a trap when it’s built on other people’s expectations or our own fear of inconsistency.
True growth comes from questioning those labels, staying flexible, and allowing ourselves to evolve beyond the roles we’ve been given—or once chose for survival.
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Let’s keep walking this path—this time through The Traps of Identity.
If something here resonated, here are a few questions to carry with you:
Have you ever caught yourself living according to someone else’s judgment—wearing a label you didn’t choose? What would it feel like to quietly set that label down?
Is there a belief or value you’ve held onto that no longer serves the person you’re becoming? What might change if you let it evolve?
In what area of your life are you still trying to “stay consistent” when maybe you’ve already outgrown the version of yourself who made that rule?
If you feel like sharing, leave a comment, someone may need to read it, or send me a DM. I’ll be glad to listen and reply.
See you next week for some other traps of identity.
Warmly,
Odel Asseille
The Mirror Room – First Edition