December 2025
Big brother,
there isn’t only resentment
for you in my heart.
I know that now,
and in a way,
even as a child, I already knew.
Maybe that explains
why I kept trying,
again and again,
to keep a bridge between us.
But perhaps, I tell myself,
that bridge had to be broken
so that, at last, we could understand it,
so that, at last, I could understand it.
I am who I am today
because of you.
And perhaps you, too,
grew because of me.
I know you did
everything you could.
More than a brother,
you were like a guardian,
a second father.
You placed on me
the kind of pressure
only a parent places upon a child.
I saw you as my jailer;
perhaps you truly were.
But if I never lost my way,
it’s because you stayed watchful.
When I acted recklessly,
you knew how to stop
my attempts
to deceive.
Isn’t it strange,
don’t you think,
that sometimes the very reason
we hate someone
is also the reason
we owe them so much,
so much gratitude?
I still remember
that day when
you got into a fight at school for me.
You called me a coward,
and perhaps you were right,
because you didn’t know,
and you probably still don’t,
that I’d rather take the blow today
so I can strike harder tomorrow.
That’s just how I am,
but you’re different.
You don’t leave time
for revenge.
You defend yourself
right then and there.
We could have made a great team, you know.
Somewhere in my heart,
I still hold on
to a little of that hope.
You, the strength, and I, the mind,
together we could
shake the earth,
call down the rain,
lay waste to a world.
You have the strength,
of that I am certain.
After all,
you are my brother,
a courageous soldier,
proud and full of conviction.
I owe you so much.
I smile just thinking about it,
how, without realizing it,
you helped me surpass you,
to earn better grades than yours,
at times...
It’s a little funny, isn’t it?
You often said
that we were not
competing.
Who were you fooling?
I saw your efforts
to stay afloat,
to stay on top.
You had to,
with a little troublemaker
not too stupid brother like me.
Our rivalry taught me
independence, freedom.
You never tried
to force your vision on me.
You let me make mistakes.
Whether your reasons mattered to me or not,
it taught me
to stand on my own,
to defend my ideas,
to stand by them,
even when others disagreed.
I often tell this story
to friends,
how, in uncertainty,
each of us followed our own instinct.
We would argue,
and when we couldn’t
reach an agreement,
each of us made our own choice.
Our grades always had
a slight difference,
sometimes in your favor,
sometimes in mine.
Surely
because of those different choices.
Strangely enough,
I feel calmer now.
When I think of you,
there is less anger.
We still don’t speak,
but the weight is no longer the same,
at least, on my side.
I have emptied my heart;
the child has shed his tears.
Now there is room again for our values,
room again for respect,
love,
and
gratitude.
If one day you happen
to come across
these writings,
I want you to know:
you were one of the pillars
that helped build me.
A brother beyond a brother,
a mentor, a guardian,
a protector,
a worthy and exhausting rival,
a role model,
and also a trial.
Know that I will
always be grateful to you.
J-F.A
Mirror Question:
Who in your life have you spent years blaming, only to realize they also helped shape some of your greatest strengths? What did they give you that you couldn’t see at the time, and how does recognizing that change the way you see both them—and yourself?
If you feel comfortable, I’d love to hear your story. Feel free to share it in the comments—I look forward to reading it.
With clarity,
Odel A.
The Mirror Room