This article was super relatable and encouraging to read, Odel! You give us the awareness, confidence and space to revisit our childhood wounds as an adult so we can heal and get to know ourselves better. Thank you so much for sharing your work with us, Odel! This is going to help a lot of people heal.
I saw several of the concepts here that I use to justify my belief that we don't possess true freewill. Learning that 70% of abused kids go on to use abuse on their own kids as a form of discipline changed my life. Awareness is key to growth.We are simply preordained genetically inherited biology interacting with our environment anyway we know how. That's why constant learning is so important so that we can incorporate all of the new information for when we have to interact with future environments.
Indeed. Awareness is key. And without it we can feel that we don’t have free will as if we are programmed to repeat some patterns no matter how hard we try not to do them. We are programmed in a way, but the truth is we are the ones who programmed ourselves so early that sometimes we forget that. With new information, we can start to see the patterns and reprogramming ourselves in healthy ways.
No wonder hating the pattern never taught me a new one. A child can only copy what she has seen until someone gives her another picture, and I’m trying to choose mine on purpose now... clumsily, yes, but at least it finally belongs to me.
Because we internalize pain that was never ours to carry. We inherit the same wounds our parents were given, like a generational curse. The same speech patterns, the same emotional imbalance, driven in by guilt and shame. The ones we emulate pass down their patterns, and unless we deal with the trauma in a healthy way, it festers.
But it's not just in the mind, it's in the body. Trauma gets stored in muscle tension, in the nervous system, in the way we brace before we even know we're bracing. Bessel van der Kolk, who wrote 'The Body Keeps the Score', put it simply: healing has to involve the body, not just the mind. That's why insight alone doesn't break the cycle. You can understand your pain intellectually and still feel it hijack you the moment something familiar triggers it.
And it's not only inherited, it's repeated because it's familiar. Chaos, tension, and dysfunction can feel like home even when they hurt, because the unknown often feels more dangerous than the pain we already know how to survive. We become slaves to a fermented collection of instincts that helped us survive in the moment. Then we're never taught how to be free.
Freedom starts with awareness and really seeing the pattern instead of just living inside it. But the real turning point comes when your self-image shifts. Most of us carry an identity built entirely out of the pain. "I am what happened to me." The moment you see yourself differently, not as the wound, but as something whole that a wound happened to, the whole architecture can change fast. I've felt that shift myself. One real change in how I saw myself rewired a lifetime of conditioning almost overnight. That's the real exit from the cycle: not just understanding the pattern, but no longer recognizing yourself inside it.
Be brave. You are not your pain. You are the beautiful flower that misses the sun and is ready to blossom. Hugs.
This hit home, Odel. I see the patterns and what I learned and took from my parents ' behaviours. Both my parents help others. They give without expectations, but sometimes to the détriment of themselves. I help others the same way and have been working on setting boundaries when helping and not giving to the point of harming my own health. I have been learning to set and respect boundaries because that is something that was never practiced in my family. I don't stay quiet when something wrong is happening before me in the family anymore.
This was one of the things I had to work on. My parents are similar to yours in that regard. And I have to learn to have limits and establish boundaries.
This resonated deeply with me. I spent years condemning my mother's addiction to alcohol, only to find myself battling addiction later in life. I judged her victim mentality, yet I became a deeply pessimistic person for many years. It taught me that the patterns we reject can still become the patterns we repeat until we become conscious of them. The greatest gift healing gave me was the chance to break that generational cycle through my own sons. Instead of asking how not to become my mother, I began asking who I wanted to become. That question changed everything .
I can relate to that feeling. It’s so frustrating when you that happens and I was so angry to myself for a long way. Until I started asking myself different questions
This article was super relatable and encouraging to read, Odel! You give us the awareness, confidence and space to revisit our childhood wounds as an adult so we can heal and get to know ourselves better. Thank you so much for sharing your work with us, Odel! This is going to help a lot of people heal.
Thank you so much, Jess ! This means a lot to me.
The healing process is an important and constant. I’m glad to help even a little. Thanks for supporting ❤️☺️
I saw several of the concepts here that I use to justify my belief that we don't possess true freewill. Learning that 70% of abused kids go on to use abuse on their own kids as a form of discipline changed my life. Awareness is key to growth.We are simply preordained genetically inherited biology interacting with our environment anyway we know how. That's why constant learning is so important so that we can incorporate all of the new information for when we have to interact with future environments.
Thank you Seb.
Indeed. Awareness is key. And without it we can feel that we don’t have free will as if we are programmed to repeat some patterns no matter how hard we try not to do them. We are programmed in a way, but the truth is we are the ones who programmed ourselves so early that sometimes we forget that. With new information, we can start to see the patterns and reprogramming ourselves in healthy ways.
No wonder hating the pattern never taught me a new one. A child can only copy what she has seen until someone gives her another picture, and I’m trying to choose mine on purpose now... clumsily, yes, but at least it finally belongs to me.
Indeed, now you can own them
Here's the final draft:
---
Why do we keep repeating the same cycles of pain?
Because we internalize pain that was never ours to carry. We inherit the same wounds our parents were given, like a generational curse. The same speech patterns, the same emotional imbalance, driven in by guilt and shame. The ones we emulate pass down their patterns, and unless we deal with the trauma in a healthy way, it festers.
But it's not just in the mind, it's in the body. Trauma gets stored in muscle tension, in the nervous system, in the way we brace before we even know we're bracing. Bessel van der Kolk, who wrote 'The Body Keeps the Score', put it simply: healing has to involve the body, not just the mind. That's why insight alone doesn't break the cycle. You can understand your pain intellectually and still feel it hijack you the moment something familiar triggers it.
And it's not only inherited, it's repeated because it's familiar. Chaos, tension, and dysfunction can feel like home even when they hurt, because the unknown often feels more dangerous than the pain we already know how to survive. We become slaves to a fermented collection of instincts that helped us survive in the moment. Then we're never taught how to be free.
Freedom starts with awareness and really seeing the pattern instead of just living inside it. But the real turning point comes when your self-image shifts. Most of us carry an identity built entirely out of the pain. "I am what happened to me." The moment you see yourself differently, not as the wound, but as something whole that a wound happened to, the whole architecture can change fast. I've felt that shift myself. One real change in how I saw myself rewired a lifetime of conditioning almost overnight. That's the real exit from the cycle: not just understanding the pattern, but no longer recognizing yourself inside it.
Be brave. You are not your pain. You are the beautiful flower that misses the sun and is ready to blossom. Hugs.
This is an interesting and insightful final draft. Thank you for sharing it ✨
"As long as my attention
remained fixed on my parents,
I kept repeating
the very traits
I wanted to avoid."
The mind doesn't run
on rejection.
It runs on
whatever image
stays longest
in the room.
Hating a pattern
still means
staring at it.
She didn't heal
by looking away
from her mother.
She healed
by finally giving her mind
something else
to memorize.
— AËLA
“Giving the mind something else to remember.”
Beautiful line 🥰🫶🏼
Some behaviors are so hardwired. Recognizing triggers helps but the feelings can't be escaped entirely.
I couldn’t agree more, Petra !
Thank you so much 😊 🥰
<3
This hit home, Odel. I see the patterns and what I learned and took from my parents ' behaviours. Both my parents help others. They give without expectations, but sometimes to the détriment of themselves. I help others the same way and have been working on setting boundaries when helping and not giving to the point of harming my own health. I have been learning to set and respect boundaries because that is something that was never practiced in my family. I don't stay quiet when something wrong is happening before me in the family anymore.
Thank you so much, Sattie !
This was one of the things I had to work on. My parents are similar to yours in that regard. And I have to learn to have limits and establish boundaries.
This resonated deeply with me. I spent years condemning my mother's addiction to alcohol, only to find myself battling addiction later in life. I judged her victim mentality, yet I became a deeply pessimistic person for many years. It taught me that the patterns we reject can still become the patterns we repeat until we become conscious of them. The greatest gift healing gave me was the chance to break that generational cycle through my own sons. Instead of asking how not to become my mother, I began asking who I wanted to become. That question changed everything .
Thank you very much !
Indeed that question changes everything. And I’m glad you could do the healing process.
I think it’s because we need to heal the ancestral trauma when you become aware of this in yourself then we can hopefully change the patterns.
Indeed, being conscious of the traumas is the first step. We still need to head and repair them.
Thank you, Cronezone 😊
Thank you, HVR!
I can relate to that feeling. It’s so frustrating when you that happens and I was so angry to myself for a long way. Until I started asking myself different questions