How I Broke Free from the Traps of Identity (and How You Can Too)
Freedom begins when you break free from the traps of identity.
This post wasn’t planned. But sometimes, a truth hits you without warning.
This week, after a deep conversation, I realized something simple:
We grew up inside the traps of identity.
From the start, our lives have been built on approval — from parents, teachers, society.
Without noticing, we learned to live to please, not to be.
Becoming yourself is a lot like a child learning to walk.
At first, you need help to stand, then to take your first steps. In the same way, we inherit beliefs, values, and limits from our families. And little by little, approval becomes a sweet poison.
But just as a child must one day walk alone, there comes a moment when we must stand on our own.
That’s the time to re-evaluate our lives, our values, and decide who we truly want to become.
This week I learned about an old Australian rite of passage: the Walkabout. A personal journey marking the step into adulthood. It could last weeks, even months. A true inner quest — leaving the community to find yourself again.
For us too, becoming authentic, breaking free from the traps of identity, demands that step aside.
A silence.
A pause.
Finally learning to hear your own voice.
Solitude as a Rite of Passage
If you’re always surrounded, you only hear the voices of others — their doubts, their passions.
To hear your own, solitude is the way.
Take a few minutes of silence each day — even five minutes is enough. And if the day is too full, do it before you sleep.
Watch yourself without judgment. The goal isn’t to condemn, but to see who you are today, compared to who you want to become.
Solitude is that refuge. A mirror.
Questioning Your Foundations
Becoming yourself means examining the very roots of your life: your beliefs, habits, passions.
It means asking: Is this true? Does it align with my vision of life? Is this truth really mine?
The goal isn’t to reject or betray inherited values, but to gain clarity. To understand why you act. To become conscious of your choices.
I don’t do something just because everyone else does. I choose it because I know its value in my life.
I don’t believe in something just because it’s common. I believe it with clarity, with full awareness.
Finding Your Own Truth
In Mexico, I once lived for a while in a refugee camp. We had to be inside by 5 p.m., and boredom weighed heavy.
But there was a small shop run by a local. Because people couldn’t go out, it was good business. He normally hired passing migrants to help.
One day, I thought it would be interesting to work there. My companions discouraged me: They’ll never hire people like us. That was the common belief.
I refused to accept that imposed truth. So one evening, I walked in with a smile and asked:
— Can I work here?
The clerk told me to wait for the owner. I stayed to help anyway, and that night, I got the job. And by the time I left Mexico, I was managing the shop.
If I had listened to my companions, I would never have earned enough to fund my journey, or lived free in the camp.
Take what others say as a warning, but always seek your own truth.
Don’t live as a copy.
Be yourself — with your own values, your own certainty.
The Freedom of Being Yourself
Knowing who you are is already tasting freedom.
The more we know ourselves, the more authentic we become — and the less power the gaze of others holds over us.
Of course, it doesn’t erase the pain of being judged for something external.
I will always be a Black man, a Haitian. Some will reject me for that. Others will condemn me for my faith, my lifestyle, my tastes, my passions. Many will never see my whole self — only the labels they stick on me.
But I know who I am.
And I refuse to give others the power to wound me with these traps of identity.
From their stares, from their judgments, I am free. That’s what matters.
Even if misunderstood, the one who truly knows himself lives in peace with himself.
And that — that is real freedom.
So remember: recognize the traps of identity… but never let them rule you.
Core message:
The path to authenticity is about breaking free from identity traps — approval, labels, imposed truths — and choosing consciously who you are.
Thank you for being here.
If any part of this spoke to something in you, maybe let these gentle questions sit with you for a while:
Where in your life have you been living more for approval than for truth?
When someone pulls away or doesn’t see you fully—do you feel like you lose a part of yourself? Why might that be?
What beliefs or values feel truly yours—not borrowed, not expected, just deeply real?
And if you ever feel like sharing, I’d love to hear from you. You can leave a comment or drop me a message.
See you next time for the next step in the journey.
With warmth,
Odel Asseille
The Mirror Room – First Edition
Great article