Lately, I’ve found myself thinking about this Haitian saying: “Merite pa mande.”
Growing up with my grandparents, I fell victim to this wisdom many times. The person who asked was sometimes the one who got served last. Sometimes, even if something was meant for you, if you asked for it and insisted too much, well, it might be given to someone else.
One thing was clear: you weren’t supposed to ask.
You had to be patient and wait for others to offer you something, and they expected the same from you.
Summer is avocado season, and we had plenty of them at my grandparents’ house. There were all kinds, some more appreciated than others. I remember one time my little brother found one from a tree that rarely produced fruit, but when it did, the avocados were always really good. So he ate it without really thinking about sharing it with anyone.
After he finished eating it, my grandmother complained.
“Hmm, you ate that whole avocado and didn’t even offer me a little piece?!” she said, sounding shocked.
My little brother replied, “There are avocados everywhere. You could’ve just told me you wanted some of mine.”
“Merite pa mande,” she replied.
My little brother was right. There were so many avocados that we couldn’t even eat them all. At that time of year, you almost never shared an avocado. But my little brother’s avocado was rarer, so everyone appreciated it more.
My grandmother wanted some, but prisoner to that old wisdom, she didn’t dare ask.
It’s a bit of a twisted saying, if you ask me.
Today, I understand that this saying may carry a different kind of wisdom from the one I took from it as a child. But whatever its original intention may have been, the lesson I learned from it was much simpler:
Don’t ask.
Because asking almost felt like a sin.
Why am I telling you this?
Simply to say that asking for something has never been one of my strengths. Even though I now understand this saying differently, I still sometimes carry the old psychological chains of my childhood.
Asking makes me uncomfortable.
So instead, I put in extra effort, hoping other people would recognize the value of what I do.
It’s the same pattern I’ve repeated with The Mirror Room.
It’s true that I want my writing to remain accessible to everyone, but I would also like to earn something from my writing. I put my heart, my time, and all my attention into it. I create guides, experiment with new concepts, and then publish them, hoping the right people will find them.
And looking at the results, I can recognize that this isn’t a sustainable strategy.
Before, I was mainly juggling work and writing. Now, there are my studies too, along with more responsibilities. I had to take a little step back to breathe, but more importantly, to think about how I want to continue this journey, because The Mirror Room means a great deal to me.
I can’t simply keep producing more and more writing while staying silent and hoping people will eventually invest in what I create.
It’s not because I think my readers don’t want to support my work or don’t find value in it.
Far from it.
I simply came to understand something pretty obvious: when we say nothing, people can easily assume everything is fine.
They often say no news is good news.
And sometimes, people would be perfectly willing to support us, but they can’t know we need their support if we never tell them.
It’s even written in the Bible:
“Ask, and it will be given to you.”
So this time, I’m asking.
Whether you’ve been following The Mirror Room for a while or you’ve just arrived, if the writing I share here brings you a little clarity, if it resonates with you, helps you understand yourself differently, or offers you new perspectives, I invite you to support this work.
The best way to support this work is by getting the Monthly Guide.
Each month, I transform the themes we explore in The Mirror Room into a personal development workbook: a guided journey made of reflections, exercises, and practices designed to help you explore these ideas in your own life.
This month, we explored two subjects that may seem very different at first: the freedom to choose for ourselves and the stories we carry about others.
But when we look more closely, both bring us back to the same idea:
the freedom to be yourself—and to give others that same freedom.
So I redesigned the workbook around two guided journeys.
The first invites you to recognize the choices and expectations you inherited, distinguish between what you simply follow and what you genuinely choose, and then practice the act of choosing for yourself.
The second turns the mirror toward others: the stories we’ve learned about certain groups, the assumptions that can grow from those stories, and the possibility of allowing the individual to show us who they actually are.
This isn’t simply a compilation of the reflections published throughout the month. It’s a journey designed to help you take these ideas and explore them in your own life.
You can get the workbook directly on Gumroad as an individual purchase, or become a paid subscriber to The Mirror Room. Paid subscribers can get each new workbook for half price on Gumroad.
For a long time, I believed that doing good work, continuing to create, and waiting for people to recognize its value would be enough.
Today, I’m trying something different.
I’m asking.
This month, however, I’m not going to ask you to buy it.
I want to give it to you.
I’ve completely redesigned the format of my Monthly Guides, and rather than asking you to believe me when I tell you they’re worth your investment, I’d rather give you the opportunity to experience one for yourself.
Starting with the next Monthly Guide, each workbook will be available individually for $30 on Gumroad.
Paid subscribers to The Mirror Room, at $15 per month, will receive a code each month allowing them to download the new guide for free. In other words, it will be included with their subscription.
A Little Note Before I Go
Starting next week, The Mirror Room will return to its usual rhythm.
Poetry on Sundays, a reflection during the week, and one Monthly Clarity Guide each month.
And now that one journey is ending, I’ve been thinking about where we should go next.
I have two ideas for the next series.
The first is emotions—how we experience them, the way we respond to them, what they may be trying to tell us, and the relationship we develop with our own feelings.
The second would be a series of reflexions built around a book: reading through its ideas together, reflecting on what resonates, questioning what doesn’t, and exploring how some of those ideas show up in our own lives.
I have to admit, I’m leaning toward emotions. There are already a few things I want to explore there.
But The Mirror Room isn’t only about what I want to examine. I’m curious about what you would like us to explore together next.
So I’ll leave the choice with you:
Where should we turn the mirror next?
❤️ Emotions
or
📖 A Book
Let me know in the comments. I’ll be reading.
Until next week.
With Clarity,
Odel A.
The Mirror Room
Being taught that asking makes you greedy can stick around for years. I’m really glad you asked this time, Odel. You shouldn’t have to work twice as hard and hope people somehow notice you need help.
I often put in extra effort for the people I love or care about deeply in hopes they would see how I feel.