What makes this interesting is that it separates the feeling of jealousy from the behavior that often follows it. The piece doesn’t deny jealousy or romanticize it — it treats it as something human that still requires discipline and self-awareness.
The distinction between “being jealous” and “being toxic” gives the essay its center....
Thank you Adrien for reading and sharing your thoughts about it. Greatly appreciated.
I believe that we are emotional beings, and we should accept that fact. But very often, we categorize our emotions: some are good, others bad. And we tend to neglect and deny those called bad, like jealousy. And I always ask myself: is being jealous that bad ?
I think what makes this reflection interesting is precisely the distinction you draw between feeling jealousy and becoming governed by it. Many people speak as though healthy love should contain no jealousy at all, but I am not convinced human attachment works that cleanly. To love someone deeply is often to become aware of vulnerability, possibility of loss, uncertainty, and emotional exposure. The feeling itself may be natural. What matters is what we build around it. And I think you touch something important when you say jealousy becomes dangerous when it transforms into control, surveillance, suffocation, or violence. There is a profound difference between internally experiencing fear of loss and externally trying to manage another person’s freedom in order to silence that fear. What stayed was not the jealousy itself, but the tension between attachment and autonomy running underneath the entire piece. Love asks us to care deeply about someone we can never fully possess or guarantee. That uncertainty is difficult for many people to tolerate. So perhaps jealousy is not always a proof of love, nor merely insecurity either. Sometimes it is simply the emotional shadow cast by attachment itself. The real question may indeed be what we allow that feeling to become.
Thank you for reading it and for your thoughtful amazing.
Sometimes we fear the unknown, and that fear leads us to try to control everything, control the outcomes. Our feelings can trigger those fears in us. What we try to hide. And without clarity and self-awareness, we may be controlled by the emotions instead of channel it in a better way.
Oof, I felt this one! In my younger years, I could be an incredibly jealous person, too. I’m not proud of some of it, but looking back now, I can see it was deeply tied to fear and very low self-esteem. At the time, I think I believed that if someone preferred someone else, or even gave attention elsewhere, it somehow reflected my worth.
I still get little tinges of jealousy from time to time, not just romantically but in other ways too, but now I recognize it much differently. Usually, underneath it is simply fear of losing something or someone that matters to me.
What changed most for me was learning to genuinely love and respect myself. As that grew, the jealousy slowly loosened its grip. I really appreciated the distinction you made between feeling jealousy and allowing it to control your actions. That felt very honest and human to me.
Thank you for reading and sharing that. Greatly appreciated.
This was an interesting of self-discovery. And something important there is if someone preferred someone else or gave something elsewhere, that has nothing to do with our worth.
I believe emotions are signals. And from that believe, I also think it important to question the feeling before acting on them.
We can still feel jealousy, but our reactions now will be different. That won’t affect our self worth nor feed our fears. But by understand the source, we can handle it different. Very often, when we accept and understand being jealous, we can be in control and act with clarity.
Yes. I think that was one of the biggest shifts for me, too, realizing emotions themselves aren’t the problem; it’s what we do with them. Learning to pause and look underneath the jealousy instead of immediately reacting changed a lot for me.
I commend you for your honesty, truly. Jealousy is an emotion people don’t readily admit. But we all feel it at one point or another. The important thing is to not allow it to dictate our behavior. We can’t control what we feel, only what we do with those feelings. Thanks for sharing this Odel 🙏
I had problem admitting it in the past and then I stop trying to fit other’s box and own it. We are emotional beings and no emotion is bad nor good. At least, that’s what I believe.
Thank you for reading and for your kind words. Greatly appreciated
I am so proud of you for honesty and vulnerability, not often many people write about jealousy in this way. I love how you handled the situation with your ex. Instead of letting jealousy take over, you chose to trust and communicate your feelings calmly. That’s a mature way to approach relationships.
This is a good one to reflect on. From my past, I can admit that I got jealous. I still do, but I don't tell my partner what to do. If a man or woman wants to cheat, nothing will stop them. I quietly observe and try my best not to be reactive also. If something makes me uncomfortable, I am going to tell him. If I am met with "you're crazy or you're being stupid", I shut down. That response tells me enough. I think my jealousy was a combination of insecurity (feeling like I wasn't pretty or desirable otherwise) and my gut telling me something also.
That is a good reflection on yourself. Sometimes a your crazy can be an innocent reaction, but depends on the tone and the sensation in the air. What I am trying to say is not all you’re crazy or being stupid are meant to shut someone down.
Thank you for reading and your thoughtful comment, Sattie✨. Greatly appreciated.
What makes this interesting is that it separates the feeling of jealousy from the behavior that often follows it. The piece doesn’t deny jealousy or romanticize it — it treats it as something human that still requires discipline and self-awareness.
The distinction between “being jealous” and “being toxic” gives the essay its center....
Thank you Adrien for reading and sharing your thoughts about it. Greatly appreciated.
I believe that we are emotional beings, and we should accept that fact. But very often, we categorize our emotions: some are good, others bad. And we tend to neglect and deny those called bad, like jealousy. And I always ask myself: is being jealous that bad ?
I think what makes this reflection interesting is precisely the distinction you draw between feeling jealousy and becoming governed by it. Many people speak as though healthy love should contain no jealousy at all, but I am not convinced human attachment works that cleanly. To love someone deeply is often to become aware of vulnerability, possibility of loss, uncertainty, and emotional exposure. The feeling itself may be natural. What matters is what we build around it. And I think you touch something important when you say jealousy becomes dangerous when it transforms into control, surveillance, suffocation, or violence. There is a profound difference between internally experiencing fear of loss and externally trying to manage another person’s freedom in order to silence that fear. What stayed was not the jealousy itself, but the tension between attachment and autonomy running underneath the entire piece. Love asks us to care deeply about someone we can never fully possess or guarantee. That uncertainty is difficult for many people to tolerate. So perhaps jealousy is not always a proof of love, nor merely insecurity either. Sometimes it is simply the emotional shadow cast by attachment itself. The real question may indeed be what we allow that feeling to become.
Thank you for reading it and for your thoughtful amazing.
Sometimes we fear the unknown, and that fear leads us to try to control everything, control the outcomes. Our feelings can trigger those fears in us. What we try to hide. And without clarity and self-awareness, we may be controlled by the emotions instead of channel it in a better way.
Oof, I felt this one! In my younger years, I could be an incredibly jealous person, too. I’m not proud of some of it, but looking back now, I can see it was deeply tied to fear and very low self-esteem. At the time, I think I believed that if someone preferred someone else, or even gave attention elsewhere, it somehow reflected my worth.
I still get little tinges of jealousy from time to time, not just romantically but in other ways too, but now I recognize it much differently. Usually, underneath it is simply fear of losing something or someone that matters to me.
What changed most for me was learning to genuinely love and respect myself. As that grew, the jealousy slowly loosened its grip. I really appreciated the distinction you made between feeling jealousy and allowing it to control your actions. That felt very honest and human to me.
Thank you for reading and sharing that. Greatly appreciated.
This was an interesting of self-discovery. And something important there is if someone preferred someone else or gave something elsewhere, that has nothing to do with our worth.
I believe emotions are signals. And from that believe, I also think it important to question the feeling before acting on them.
We can still feel jealousy, but our reactions now will be different. That won’t affect our self worth nor feed our fears. But by understand the source, we can handle it different. Very often, when we accept and understand being jealous, we can be in control and act with clarity.
Yes. I think that was one of the biggest shifts for me, too, realizing emotions themselves aren’t the problem; it’s what we do with them. Learning to pause and look underneath the jealousy instead of immediately reacting changed a lot for me.
That's great. It was a big shift for me too. Stop reacting to it, own it, understand it, and channel it a better way.
I laughed a little at being jealous of the breeze touching her skin cuz sir, that is wildly dramatic and also too honest~
For my defense, I warned you that I exaggerated a little 😁
Thank you for reading this, Asuka-sama
I commend you for your honesty, truly. Jealousy is an emotion people don’t readily admit. But we all feel it at one point or another. The important thing is to not allow it to dictate our behavior. We can’t control what we feel, only what we do with those feelings. Thanks for sharing this Odel 🙏
I had problem admitting it in the past and then I stop trying to fit other’s box and own it. We are emotional beings and no emotion is bad nor good. At least, that’s what I believe.
Thank you for reading and for your kind words. Greatly appreciated
I am so proud of you for honesty and vulnerability, not often many people write about jealousy in this way. I love how you handled the situation with your ex. Instead of letting jealousy take over, you chose to trust and communicate your feelings calmly. That’s a mature way to approach relationships.
Thank you for reading and for your kind words, my friend ❤️. Greatly appreciated ✨
This is a good one to reflect on. From my past, I can admit that I got jealous. I still do, but I don't tell my partner what to do. If a man or woman wants to cheat, nothing will stop them. I quietly observe and try my best not to be reactive also. If something makes me uncomfortable, I am going to tell him. If I am met with "you're crazy or you're being stupid", I shut down. That response tells me enough. I think my jealousy was a combination of insecurity (feeling like I wasn't pretty or desirable otherwise) and my gut telling me something also.
That is a good reflection on yourself. Sometimes a your crazy can be an innocent reaction, but depends on the tone and the sensation in the air. What I am trying to say is not all you’re crazy or being stupid are meant to shut someone down.
Thank you for reading and your thoughtful comment, Sattie✨. Greatly appreciated.
In my case the tone is what made me shut down.
Fair point. The tone matters more than the words