Emotional retaliation in response to a reasonable boundary is a huge reg flag. The story you shared is a perfect example of this. The truth is that to some people control is more important than peace or respect in the dynamic.
This was a really interesting read. Thanks for sharing!
This one made me think hard and honestly. Sometimes, if the hurt is deep enough it can come out in a statement intended to wound. Most times its tears--and silence to work on what was activated in me.
I want to get to the place where others vitriol doesn't affect me at all, but...I'm only at the balance leaning hard on the tears end right now. My therapist once told me that the reason I default to tears is because I never get justice, and that frustration lies dormant. I'm not in equanimity; I'm in supression. I'm still not sure what to do with that--but I am working on it.
I can relate to that. And the tears for the feeling of injustice, it’s something natural yet frustrated.
Seeking for justice is normal and human as well. I think, you need to feel comfortable enough to be able to express it when you’re hurt. And with people that can understand you. Knowing you being hurt is not always because they are doing something wrong. They don’t need to be defensive, but just be there and communicate. That’s my humble opinion and I know I might be wrong.
But in any case, try to avoid the emotional retaliation. If I hurt you, you hurt me willingly. I might hurt you back and the relationship will become a battleground.
You know where you stand and you’re working on it, that’s already a great thing.
I kept thinking about that tiny polite pause where the outside answer was calm but the inside alarm was already waving... I know that little nope in my body, when something seems small but the pattern is already making itself way too obvious.
I have been in relationships with people who like to hurt back instead of opening up. I do not like the "eye for an eye" mentality. Where does it stop? And what is the point of being together, interacting, building something, only to hurt the person back, especially when the intention wasn't to hurt them in the first place?
Are we all on edge, waiting for the next attack so we can counterattack?
Growth can't happen there, and neither can healing. We don't act a certain way just because. There is deep pain underneath, and our actions are simply a form of protection. A protection that we often don't know when to use, so we act automatically because maybe it worked before. Like manipulating emotions by posting overly provocative pictures...
And maybe your friend taking his distance and standing his ground with his boundary, might had open a door in her own journey with boundaries...
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Greatly appreciated !
I’ve been there too and the pain goes deep. With time I came to realize this behavior sometimes roots deeper than we think and only by standing our ground we can break through it.
In the past when I was hurt, I never expressed it. I was taught to swallow it and keep the peace. The times I tried to express it, I was told I was being stupid. I shut up after that, distracted myself with duty. I don't want anyone to feel the pain I do when I'm hurt. I would like to feel safe enough to talk about my feelings and work through it with that person.
There is something very useful in naming emotional retaliation as a strategy rather than simply “drama.”
The piece shows how quickly hurt can stop asking for understanding and start looking for impact instead...
Thank you for reading and sharing this. Greatly appreciated.
So many of us suffer from it. We should break the pattern instead of tolerating it
Strange how we sometimes hope the knife cuts deeper than it does, so we can twist it as it sinks into the one we love.
Indeed, that’s strange. And painful
Emotional retaliation in response to a reasonable boundary is a huge reg flag. The story you shared is a perfect example of this. The truth is that to some people control is more important than peace or respect in the dynamic.
This was a really interesting read. Thanks for sharing!
I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comment ✨😊
This one made me think hard and honestly. Sometimes, if the hurt is deep enough it can come out in a statement intended to wound. Most times its tears--and silence to work on what was activated in me.
I want to get to the place where others vitriol doesn't affect me at all, but...I'm only at the balance leaning hard on the tears end right now. My therapist once told me that the reason I default to tears is because I never get justice, and that frustration lies dormant. I'm not in equanimity; I'm in supression. I'm still not sure what to do with that--but I am working on it.
I can relate to that. And the tears for the feeling of injustice, it’s something natural yet frustrated.
Seeking for justice is normal and human as well. I think, you need to feel comfortable enough to be able to express it when you’re hurt. And with people that can understand you. Knowing you being hurt is not always because they are doing something wrong. They don’t need to be defensive, but just be there and communicate. That’s my humble opinion and I know I might be wrong.
But in any case, try to avoid the emotional retaliation. If I hurt you, you hurt me willingly. I might hurt you back and the relationship will become a battleground.
You know where you stand and you’re working on it, that’s already a great thing.
Thank you !
It is my intent not to hurt anyone…and for that, I’m the one who hurts usually.
Great advice and pieces of the puzzle, in a nicely condensed, multi-varied format 💯👏🏼⚡️ great job!
Thank you Miles for reading it, restacking and for your kind words. Greatly appreciated ✨😊
You betcha! Happy to make time
I kept thinking about that tiny polite pause where the outside answer was calm but the inside alarm was already waving... I know that little nope in my body, when something seems small but the pattern is already making itself way too obvious.
It’s good recognizing the patterns. We can deal with what we aware of
I have been in relationships with people who like to hurt back instead of opening up. I do not like the "eye for an eye" mentality. Where does it stop? And what is the point of being together, interacting, building something, only to hurt the person back, especially when the intention wasn't to hurt them in the first place?
Are we all on edge, waiting for the next attack so we can counterattack?
Growth can't happen there, and neither can healing. We don't act a certain way just because. There is deep pain underneath, and our actions are simply a form of protection. A protection that we often don't know when to use, so we act automatically because maybe it worked before. Like manipulating emotions by posting overly provocative pictures...
And maybe your friend taking his distance and standing his ground with his boundary, might had open a door in her own journey with boundaries...
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Greatly appreciated !
I’ve been there too and the pain goes deep. With time I came to realize this behavior sometimes roots deeper than we think and only by standing our ground we can break through it.
When we bring empathy, we really see that people are more than their behaviors. 😊
Indeed. And as long people are willing to grow, we can build stronger connections with them.
In the past when I was hurt, I never expressed it. I was taught to swallow it and keep the peace. The times I tried to express it, I was told I was being stupid. I shut up after that, distracted myself with duty. I don't want anyone to feel the pain I do when I'm hurt. I would like to feel safe enough to talk about my feelings and work through it with that person.
This is the healthy way to handle it. Sorry that nobody could see that and understood you in the past.
Thanks Odel. I live and I learn.
And now we know better 😊
Yes, I do 😊