The Wisdom of Welcoming
One of the anime I watched and really enjoyed is called ReLIFE. The story follows a lost adult, a real social mess: Arata Kaizaki. A man who is too kind, who sacrifices himself for others, but who cannot take care of himself after a traumatic event. He is then offered a drug that makes his body younger so he can relive his final year of high school, with the goal of reconnecting with himself and society.
The character we are interested in here is Chizuru Hishiro. A brilliant, gifted woman, but completely lost emotionally. She is intelligent, but she does not know how to communicate. When it comes to emotions, she is completely clueless.
Her classmates describe her as cold, distant, arrogant, almost condescending. Yet, deep down, she is dying to be their friend. The problem is that when their eyes meet, she tries to smile at them… but her smile looks more like a grimace. So the others think she is making fun of them.
This simple misunderstanding creates distance. Neither she nor the others understand what is happening. Until Arata, with his natural ability to make friends with everyone, comes along and understands the situation. He simply suggests that they talk to her, and most importantly, ask her to smile for them. One honest conversation is enough to bury a tension that was beginning to turn violent.
We probably all know people like Chizuru Hishiro. People we find too serious, distant, arrogant… when in reality, they are sometimes the kindest people. Very often, we judge or avoid them, which can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings. And all it would have taken was a simple conversation, without prejudice, to create a real relationship and avoid pointless tension.
It is human nature to judge by appearances. I know this because I did it myself at one point in my life.
And I believe we treat our feelings the same way. The emotions we judge as “bad”—anger, hatred, disgust, jealousy, pride—we avoid them, we reject them, without taking the time to understand them.
And this rejection creates tension within us.
An internal imbalance.
It often happens that we feel angry without even understanding why. That anger can be the branch of another untreated primary emotion. Emotions never travel alone. In general, everything begins with a single emotion and, when we do not take the time to welcome and understand it, it triggers others. Before we realize it, we find ourselves drowning in a sea of complex and exhausting emotions.
I remember that at one point, I felt disgust toward myself. And it was not the only emotion. There was also anger toward myself, then toward my job, toward others. Detachment. Everything seemed pointless to me. Fear. Shame about my life and where I was. Guilt. And others as well.
For what reason?
Because I did not have the life I wanted. I did not have the success I hoped for. I was not living the life of my dreams. I felt miserable.
So I started looking for a solution. First in money—one of the greatest necessities of adulthood. But as I read books about personal finance and listened to motivational talks, searching for answers from those I considered “successful,” one truth kept coming back: the key to success is mindset and self-knowledge.
So I started trying to understand myself. Trying to live my passions. Taking back control of my life. And little by little, those emotions began to fade. I was no longer fighting against them. I was no longer suppressing them. I welcomed them so I could understand them.
That is how I found the root of my inner torment: frustration. Every week, and sometimes even at work, I felt this weight in my chest tightening around my heart. This feeling of failure, emptiness, sadness. I still feel it a little today.
Before, I took it out on my job or on my living situation. Then, little by little, I started welcoming that frustration. Instead of avoiding it, instead of suppressing it, I sometimes caught myself saying out loud: “Come, my friend. Let’s talk. Tell me what brings you here.”
And because I like working in the cold room—and there is usually almost no one there—I take the time to talk with myself. To talk with the emotion that comes to me.
The wisdom of welcoming, in my opinion, is an important step in the development of the individual in relation to their emotions. Unlike the wisdom of avoidance, which pushes us to avoid or suppress them, this one invites us to let them in, welcome them, and talk with them.
This brings us back to Iroh’s teaching to Zuko about mastering lightning in the anime Avatar. You have to welcome the lightning. You have to accept being struck by that force first.
Welcoming the emotion is only the first step. It is not enough. An emotion is like lightning: powerful, charged, sometimes dangerous. If we keep that force within us without understanding it, it can quickly become destructive—for us and for others.
To be continued…
Odel’s Note
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With Clarity,
Odel A.
The Mirror Room