A repeated indiscretion becomes a pattern. If the same thing is done repeatedly, be it boundaries being broken or disrespect in other forms, then that is a pattern. If the pattern is not recognized and calmly addressed, then forgiveness definitely creates fractures in the relationship. On one end there is the possibility of resentment and on the other the person repeatedly forgiving may shrink to the point of becoming a shell of themselves. Either way the end may be nigh if it is not properly addressed.
That’s why I think it is important to hold our grounds early on in the relationship. We tend to accept things at the beginning just to please the other and try to correct them later when the patterns already took root. It should be the other way around, in my opinion.
Thank you Sattie for reading, commenting and always restacking. Greatly appreciated, dear one ✨
We are often attracted to others by what they mirror. We find comfort in that mirror so when we forgive without boundaries, we are still drawn to what we see, while ignoring the truth of the situation.
I recognized myself a lot in your story: I also grew up with my grandparents, and over time I came to recognize their imprint on me — and now I cherish it deeply.
It’s wonderful to grow up with grandparents.
As for hurting the people we love… hmm, that’s complicated. We do it, as you say, because we know we’ll be forgiven and we take advantage of that. Or because that’s simply how we are, and we can no longer keep our shadow on a leash.
And it’s complicate, for sure. We hurt those we love. Attachment comes sometimes with pain. However, is it simply how we are? I don’t know. Sometimes we hurt the one closed, hoping for forgiveness, to please other people.
This really hits home because it exposes the quiet danger of unconditional love, showing how constantly relying on someone's grace can slowly erode a relationship until the forgiveness itself becomes the thing that breaks it ✨
"What is constantly tolerated can gradually become expected. That sentence just named something I have been living without knowing what to call it. Odel has written the thing most people feel but never say out loud."
We do a lot in the name of Love. With good attentions, that’s why sometimes it’s easy to get lost and hurt ourselves in the long term. I’m glad this text resonated with you. Greatly appreciated
This is an excellent illustration—-> “For example, if a stranger comes into the house and we only have one chair, even if our partner has back pain—and we are fully aware of it—it can feel almost natural to offer that chair to the stranger, unintentionally neglecting the well-being of the person we love. And then we expect the other person to understand and forgive us.”
This is a fundamental truth—> “Every time a boundary is crossed, a small distance may begin to appear on the horizon of the relationship. At first, it is almost invisible—nothing that seems truly serious. But as it repeats itself, that space can slowly grow until it becomes difficult to ignore.”
Yes—> “Love can forgive many things… but repeated hurt slowly creates distance.”
Yes, yes—> “Do not normalize repeated violations.”
This article is packed and overflowing with needed wisdom and reminders. Thank you. :)
Now you tell me, oh so many times when I was much less grounded and healthy, I lived in an unsafe world with someone who triggered me regularly, when triggered I became undone, a outburst would occur towards those I loved. I love this precious piece, preventing pain caused to others is a good reason to detach from a relationship that may be bringing the worst out in a person. Your Grandparents left a strong legacy in you and your work. Thanks for this powerful reminder.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing this. Greatly appreciated.
Your story is heart touching. very often, growing up nobody ever prepare us that mush for relationships. The good thing is what we learnt and keep learning. Be a better version and offering mirrors to those around us.
Shifting forgiveness away from morality and into pattern formation is interesting. Is forgiveness a virtue, or does repeated forgiveness teach tolerance of bad behaviour over time?
“Protect the relationship before protecting the moment” is probably the strongest idea here. Because many people do not lose relationships in one catastrophic decision. They lose them through accumulated carelessness they assumed love would keep absorbing.
This really gave me a lot to think about. I especially loved the line about forgiveness quietly becoming permission, which feels so painfully true sometimes. I also appreciated the nuance here. It wasn’t anti-forgiveness at all… it was about awareness, boundaries, and the subtle ways resentment can grow when certain patterns keep repeating. The proverb from your grandmother was beautiful, too. “Better to prevent than to spend your time repairing” honestly applies to so much in life, not just relationships. Very thoughtful piece.
I like that you point out that it’s not anti-forgiveness, because it is not. It’s more about to put a balance when we forgive so that we don’t create patterns that can help us later
this gets me thinking about the dynamic with a friend. she doesn't follow through the things she said she'll do and my resentment is building. maybe we need to have a difficult convo but i find myself just distancing instead. and as the days pass, i find myself kind of forgiving her in my head
I understand that. I’d advice to have a good convo with her. Maybe change the perspective about her or just walk away.
I’ve been in the same situation. Every time, I had to make a choice: accepting my friends as they are or walk away if I can’t support what they do without resentment. And good thing, you forgiving her in your head, she’s important for you. Beware if you stay in that friendship same thing might keep happening. She can change too. However, I’d ask: can you keep being friend with her peacefully, without hurting yourself, without resentment growing again ?
i think we can keep being friends if she'd keep her words and do the things she says she would. i really need to work on having difficult convos as i’m not the confrontational type of person. thank you for the advice Odel! appreciate you lots!!
I think people often mistake forgiveness for acceptance. Forgiveness can be healthy. Acceptance of repeated patterns is something else entirely. Great thoughts here. Thank you for sharing.
forgiveness can slowly turn into permission
Indeed, without a proper execution.
Thank you, Can for reading and for subscribing. Welcome
A repeated indiscretion becomes a pattern. If the same thing is done repeatedly, be it boundaries being broken or disrespect in other forms, then that is a pattern. If the pattern is not recognized and calmly addressed, then forgiveness definitely creates fractures in the relationship. On one end there is the possibility of resentment and on the other the person repeatedly forgiving may shrink to the point of becoming a shell of themselves. Either way the end may be nigh if it is not properly addressed.
I couldn’t agree more.
That’s why I think it is important to hold our grounds early on in the relationship. We tend to accept things at the beginning just to please the other and try to correct them later when the patterns already took root. It should be the other way around, in my opinion.
Thank you Sattie for reading, commenting and always restacking. Greatly appreciated, dear one ✨
This was absolutely brilliant!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Let's Keeponkeepingon 🫂
Love you !! 🤟🏽❤️🙏🏽
Thank you for your kind words. Greatly appreciated 🫶🏽❤️
It says mirror question.
We are often attracted to others by what they mirror. We find comfort in that mirror so when we forgive without boundaries, we are still drawn to what we see, while ignoring the truth of the situation.
I couldn’t agree more.
We are often attracted to others that makes us feel comfortable, and that comfort can become dangerous for the bond.
Thank you for reading and commenting Shawn. Greatly appreciated ✨
I recognized myself a lot in your story: I also grew up with my grandparents, and over time I came to recognize their imprint on me — and now I cherish it deeply.
It’s wonderful to grow up with grandparents.
As for hurting the people we love… hmm, that’s complicated. We do it, as you say, because we know we’ll be forgiven and we take advantage of that. Or because that’s simply how we are, and we can no longer keep our shadow on a leash.
Grandparents generally are awesome, indeed!
And it’s complicate, for sure. We hurt those we love. Attachment comes sometimes with pain. However, is it simply how we are? I don’t know. Sometimes we hurt the one closed, hoping for forgiveness, to please other people.
Truth!
Thank you for reading it 😊✨
This really hits home because it exposes the quiet danger of unconditional love, showing how constantly relying on someone's grace can slowly erode a relationship until the forgiveness itself becomes the thing that breaks it ✨
Indeed. That’s the trap in unconditional forgiveness. It can suffocate the self in a relationship. And that’s the danger
Thank you for reading and commenting Brandi. Greatly appreciated ✨
"What is constantly tolerated can gradually become expected. That sentence just named something I have been living without knowing what to call it. Odel has written the thing most people feel but never say out loud."
Thank you Kabir.
We do a lot in the name of Love. With good attentions, that’s why sometimes it’s easy to get lost and hurt ourselves in the long term. I’m glad this text resonated with you. Greatly appreciated
Yes.. our intentions are not to punish or hurt. But we get hurt in the bargain.
That’s the paradox
Forgiveness is tricky, but it's also underrated.
Sure it is.
Thank you, James ☺️
incredible post
Thank you 😊
This is an excellent illustration—-> “For example, if a stranger comes into the house and we only have one chair, even if our partner has back pain—and we are fully aware of it—it can feel almost natural to offer that chair to the stranger, unintentionally neglecting the well-being of the person we love. And then we expect the other person to understand and forgive us.”
This is a fundamental truth—> “Every time a boundary is crossed, a small distance may begin to appear on the horizon of the relationship. At first, it is almost invisible—nothing that seems truly serious. But as it repeats itself, that space can slowly grow until it becomes difficult to ignore.”
Yes—> “Love can forgive many things… but repeated hurt slowly creates distance.”
Yes, yes—> “Do not normalize repeated violations.”
This article is packed and overflowing with needed wisdom and reminders. Thank you. :)
Thank you very much for reading.
And I like how you bring the piece into the most important wisdom it carries.
Greatly appreciated
Now you tell me, oh so many times when I was much less grounded and healthy, I lived in an unsafe world with someone who triggered me regularly, when triggered I became undone, a outburst would occur towards those I loved. I love this precious piece, preventing pain caused to others is a good reason to detach from a relationship that may be bringing the worst out in a person. Your Grandparents left a strong legacy in you and your work. Thanks for this powerful reminder.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing this. Greatly appreciated.
Your story is heart touching. very often, growing up nobody ever prepare us that mush for relationships. The good thing is what we learnt and keep learning. Be a better version and offering mirrors to those around us.
Shifting forgiveness away from morality and into pattern formation is interesting. Is forgiveness a virtue, or does repeated forgiveness teach tolerance of bad behaviour over time?
“Protect the relationship before protecting the moment” is probably the strongest idea here. Because many people do not lose relationships in one catastrophic decision. They lose them through accumulated carelessness they assumed love would keep absorbing.
Really thoughtful piece.
Thank you very much for reading, sharing and your thoughtful comment, Nate m. Greatly appreciated ✨
This really gave me a lot to think about. I especially loved the line about forgiveness quietly becoming permission, which feels so painfully true sometimes. I also appreciated the nuance here. It wasn’t anti-forgiveness at all… it was about awareness, boundaries, and the subtle ways resentment can grow when certain patterns keep repeating. The proverb from your grandmother was beautiful, too. “Better to prevent than to spend your time repairing” honestly applies to so much in life, not just relationships. Very thoughtful piece.
Thank you, Andrea.
I like that you point out that it’s not anti-forgiveness, because it is not. It’s more about to put a balance when we forgive so that we don’t create patterns that can help us later
this gets me thinking about the dynamic with a friend. she doesn't follow through the things she said she'll do and my resentment is building. maybe we need to have a difficult convo but i find myself just distancing instead. and as the days pass, i find myself kind of forgiving her in my head
I understand that. I’d advice to have a good convo with her. Maybe change the perspective about her or just walk away.
I’ve been in the same situation. Every time, I had to make a choice: accepting my friends as they are or walk away if I can’t support what they do without resentment. And good thing, you forgiving her in your head, she’s important for you. Beware if you stay in that friendship same thing might keep happening. She can change too. However, I’d ask: can you keep being friend with her peacefully, without hurting yourself, without resentment growing again ?
i think we can keep being friends if she'd keep her words and do the things she says she would. i really need to work on having difficult convos as i’m not the confrontational type of person. thank you for the advice Odel! appreciate you lots!!
Take your time and work on yourself is the most important.
Thank you, Joy.
I think people often mistake forgiveness for acceptance. Forgiveness can be healthy. Acceptance of repeated patterns is something else entirely. Great thoughts here. Thank you for sharing.
I believe you’re right. However in both case, without clear boundaries, one can end up suffering.
Thank you for reading, commenting and sharing it. That means a lot, Nerra 🫶🏽