To Conclude The Traps of Identity:
There are so many traps woven into the question of identity. Society—often without even realizing it—knows exactly where to strike: where it hurts, where we’re most vulnerable. We can be rewarded, judged, or condemned before we’ve even said a single word. And most of these traps are entirely beyond our control.
So, what do we do in those moments? I don’t really know. I don’t have a ready-made answer or a universal solution.
When it happens to me, I smile. Maybe it’s a form of simple wisdom—or a survival reflex. I tell myself it’s better to accept what we can’t stop. That thought brings me peace. It brings me back to myself.
If someone judges me because of the color of my skin, my ideas, my tastes, my religion, or my nationality—of course it’s hard. Injustice always is. But I choose to smile, to stay at peace with who I am. Because explaining doesn’t always work. Words can’t do everything. So I settle for being myself, and I leave others the freedom—or the burden—of judging me and, if they can, understanding me.
I try to be like a liquid. I don’t trap myself in quick judgments. I observe. I listen to cultures, traditions, trends, and family values—not to blindly adopt them all, but to look for the fragments of truth that resonate with me.
Jim Rohn, in one of his teachings, said:
“Be a student, not a follower.”
That means we must learn, study, listen to those we admire—but never dissolve into them. Learn, yes—but filter. Transform, yes—but in our own way.
What we choose to become should be a choice made for ourselves—not to please, not out of anger, not out of fear, and not from admiration alone.
In the end, this is what it means to build your identity: to filter what comes from the outside and patiently build on what truly resonates inside—not on the values of others.
Our peace cannot be built on shifting foundations.
The Bible offers a powerful image to help us understand the importance of the foundations of identity. Jesus said that if a house is built on sand, it will collapse when the storm comes. But if it’s built on rock, it will stand firm—even in the face of the fiercest winds.
What a beautiful lesson.
And it makes me wonder: is there any rock more solid than our own selves?
Others—just like us—are evolving. They, too, are searching for meaning in their lives. And sometimes, their values change. What we used to bring to them may no longer be enough. So they pull away, they choose a different path… and sometimes, they leave us. Without direction. Without grounding.
If our identity is built entirely on them—if our self-worth depends on their gaze, their love, or their validation—then it can collapse overnight.
That’s why it’s vital to learn to search within, to find ourselves, and to build who we are—on ourselves.
People can grow tired of us. Failure can strike. Life’s setbacks can pile up… And when the traps of identity fall away, when the masks fade, only one thing remains—that silent, intimate, unwavering core: the true self.
And it’s in that place we draw the strength to keep going, to rebuild, to love again. Because it never leaves us.
The world may shake around me. But as long as I stay true to that silent core, I remain standing.
***
Core Message:
We live in a world eager to define us—by race, background, beliefs, or behavior—often before we even speak. Identity traps us when we start living to meet those expectations. But peace and resilience come when we stop building ourselves around others' validation, and instead root our identity in something deeper: the unshakable core of who we are, when everything else fades away.
***
This article closes the second part of the series, “The Traps of Identity” — the outside factors that shape us but should never control us.
In the first part, “Understanding Identity,” we explored how identity is a continuous process that never ends — we are always evolving. The full chapter is available on Gumroad, and you can download it for FREE here: https://themirrorroom.gumroad.com/l/understandingidentity
Next, we begin the third and final part: “Toward a Living and Conscious Identity.” Coming soon.
***
If something here resonated, here are a few questions to carry with you:
Which parts of your identity have been shaped more by others’ expectations than by your own truth?
Do you feel like you lose a part of yourself when someone walks away or stops approving of you? If so, why?
What beliefs or values truly resonate with you—not because they’re popular or expected, but because they feel deeply right in your soul?
If you feel like sharing, leave a comment or send me a DM. I’ll be glad to listen and reply.
See you next week!
Warmly,
The Mirror Room – First Edition