16 Comments
User's avatar
Divyang Dhyani (D. Dhyani)'s avatar

Genuinely thought-provoking.

The distinction between loving someone and building a relationship with them is one most people collapse into the same thing and you're right that they're very different realities.

Do you think it's possible to communicate reciprocity needs early enough that they don't become ultimatums?

Odel Asseille's avatar

I believe it’s possible. But I also think this should be done with care and respect for each other, not sound like ultimatum. What do you think of it ?

Divyang Dhyani (D. Dhyani)'s avatar

Completely agree and I think the “how” matters as much as the “when”.

Framing it as "here's what I need to feel secure" rather than "here's what happens if you don't" changes the whole tone. One is vulnerability, the other is pressure.

The tricky part is most people only discover what they need after they've already felt the absence of it.

So by the time they speak up, there's already frustration behind the words and that's when it starts sounding like an ultimatum even if it isn't meant to be.

Odel Asseille's avatar

That’s true. We don’t really know all we need since the beginning. Sometimes we discover them along the way. I think communication should be a pillar in a relationship. Being able to talk express everything anytime without pressure nor judgement. Communicate, trying to find a balance before taking any important decision.

Divyang Dhyani (D. Dhyani)'s avatar

Exactly and that kind of communication only works when both people feel safe enough to be incomplete.

Not having all the answers yet and still being heard anyway.

Odel Asseille's avatar

yeah, a relationship should be a safe place for both individuals. it should.

Charisse Joy Melegrito's avatar

okay i'm def guilty of this, feeling taken for granted really hurts. now taking a step back and rethinking my life decisions

Odel Asseille's avatar

This soft guild is the best one, ‘cause if helps you reshape, rediscover and find your balance ☺️

Luna's avatar

This is a fascinating read. I think healthy relationships require a healthy, balanced level of self-love.

Odel Asseille's avatar

I couldn’t agree more. Healthy relationship should be balanced!

Thank you, Luna !

Aaliya's avatar

Dear Odel,

I really loved your profound and deeply articulated piece.

It felt like your observations come from a lived experience, or from a place of deep understanding. It’s very insightful and quite resonant.

Keep writing and using my friend.

Love

Aaliya ♥️🙏🏼

Odel Asseille's avatar

Thank you Aaliya!

This reflection was one of the most challenging to write. It made me think, reshape what I’ve been told and try to see the balance. It stayed with me for long, longer than I could tell.

It makes me happy knowing that it resonates deeply with you. That means a lot !

🥰

Restore & Prepare's avatar

Thank you for sharing so deeply …

Odel Asseille's avatar

Thanks for reading it ☺️