Laments to My Heart

A poetic movement in ten acts—tracing the tension between reason and the heart, and the slow shift from conflict to alignment.

Apr 15, 2026

Act I - The First Betrayal

When did you become my enemy?
You—
once my confidant,
my loyal friend.

I know it sounds strange to hear it.
You think I’m blaming you for nothing,
don’t you?

But you know me.
I’ve made many accusations in my life…
Yet never once have I lied to you.
You’ve witnessed all my failures,
every fall.

So let’s speak plainly now.
Your sins,
your detours,
your tricks,
your little conspiracies—

let’s talk about your betrayal.

I was the naïve one who followed you.
“Trust me,” you said.
“Listen to me.
Obey me.
I’ll show you the joys you seek.”

And she was beautiful—
rarely so.
Her smile…
I won’t even try to describe it…

My eyes,
my senses,
everything in me surrendered.
And I trusted you,
my dear adviser.

I listened.
I believed.
I let you lead.
I let you push me into foolishness.

I followed your impulses—
and for what?

To be thrown aside,
quietly,
like an outlaw no one wants.

And that…
was only the first time.

Act II — The Elusive One

What mask were you wearing this time?
You vanished after your first disaster.
I imagine you came back more cunning,
and I was foolish enough to think you were finally off my back.

You know,
life felt lighter without you.
I felt good in my own skin.
Everything seemed simpler without your burdens.

I had learned the rules,
the mechanics of the game.
I was thriving.

And truth be told,
I didn’t miss you at all, old friend.

Endless parties,
nights soaked in noise and neon,
music, dancing,
small exchanges,
alcohol.
Practiced gestures,
a few well-placed words,
a golden hunt—
effortless victories with no protocol.

Nights without tomorrow,
intoxicating moments,
sweet pleasures,
sharp thrills,
whole evenings dissolving into joy.
Simple connections,
no expectations—

all of it was good, too.
Especially far from you.

You couldn’t handle it, could you? Old fox.
Seeing your puppet walk away,
finally free.

I didn’t notice your despair—
I was vigilant,
but blind.

And still, you found your moment to return like a king.

Like a lamb wandering into a den of wolves,
she walked in,
unaware of the danger.

I saw an easy target.
You saw your next move.
I played my finest performance at that moment.

A harsh defeat.
Complete.
Hard to swallow.

I should’ve noticed you feeding on my ego.
A soft poison—
you had already slipped under my skin.

I should have recognized your schemes,
seen through the quiet plots you were weaving.

And then your grip tightened,
silent
around
my throat.

Act III — The Invisible Pact

You’ve become a master of exaggeration.
You never learned how to control your own tension.

Oh, my poor ego—
perfect victim under pressure.
You little bastard…
you hid your intentions well.

How ignorant I was.
Or maybe just blind.
What a mistake to believe I had outrun you.
Your persistence—
impressive, really.

And I, foolish as ever, underestimated your audacity.

Your weakness made me an easy target.
I was playing a game I didn’t even know existed.
Like a disgraced soldier,
tricked by another’s spite—

seduction as revenge,
pointless and empty.

It became a brutal fight,
harder than I expected.
She was a worthy opponent,
a fortress well-defended.
She pushed me back with courage,
heart intact.

Low blows,
old wounds—
yet somehow,
a victory in the end.

Oh heart, you bastard—
don’t pretend you’re innocent.
You fed my ego,
quietly,
deliberately.

You didn’t plan for what came next,
did you?

My ego slipping out of control,
smothering everything.

If only… you were the only one at play.
If only…

Act IV — The Final Mask

You thought you were the clever one from the start.
Ready to trick me,
to pull the strings however you pleased.

Smart, you?
Don’t make me laugh.

Your own foolishness betrays you.
So full of yourself—
yet you never saw it coming.

My ego, that little soldier of yours,
he twisted it all.

You had everything you wanted, finally.
And me—poor victim,
once again your puppet.

Its shadow,
dark and silent,
made you tremble…
how pathetic!

A whisper.
A dangerous imagination.
Doubt swelling,
creeping in—
an old poison resurfacing.

The ego,
that idiot,
fragile in the face of temptation.
Sliding off the rails,
surrendering to empty sensations.

Why didn’t you stop it, huh?
Miserable thing.

Were you that weak,
that cowardly,
incapable of acting?

Where was your cunning,
your usual sly desire?

Useless.

Who are you really?
Just a fable wearing a pulse?

Oh her…
gentle,
bright,
a small sun walking toward me.

Why didn’t you fight for her?
Tell me.
She didn’t deserve that—
such a cruel blow.
Deception,
a scene of horror,
a sin without equal.

You recognized too late the worst enemy you had.
You deserved the pain.

What were you so AFRAID of?

The lamenting,
the late regret
the tears—
All of it your doing.

Your ego forced me to drink that bitter cup.

And her leaving…
ah—
that was
the executioner
waking up.

Act V — The Judgment

It awakened—
the powerful jailer.
Judge,
jury,
executioner without end.

Burning cold,
an infernal weight no one sees.

The final weapon:
judgment without mercy.

You,
me,
the ego—
lined up as the accused.

Fear turning into joy,
a hungry demon
delighting in chaos,
feeding on the pain we made.

What a disaster.

All of us—
crows fooled by our own shadows.

The sentence was merciless.

Silence, once calm,
now screamed too loudly.

Music turned bland,
echoing with no essence.
Nothing can stop you—
you —my conscience.

Her face,
your banner.
Her memories,
your list of charges.
Her smile, flickering—
like a lighthouse gone dead.

Her presence…
oh God,
her presence—
pure damnation.

I accept it—
yes, I accept it.

The weight of emptiness,
the infernal solitude.
No taste left in anything,
everything dull.

I accept it,
but I hate the laws you preach.

If only…
ah yes…
your scepter.

Act VI — The Cycle Reborn

Defeated, I withdrew into my fortress.
Solitude, my loyal companion.
You, heart locked away in meditation,
guarded by my relentless executioner.

The emptiness—
lighter with time.
Ironically, almost pleasant.
A brief reprieve, of course.

And,
my conscience drifting back to sleep.

Then it struck again,
suddenly.
Solitude growing greedy,
the void turning heavy.
That subtle, creeping need for attachment.

And you—my heart—
my unconscious accomplice.

An echo, but different this time.
No chase,
no game,
no hunt.

A search for authenticity instead,
unsettling and raw.

Until her.
Until this new threshold.

Had I known…

I would have
ignored you
this time.

Act VII — The Last Temptation

I had locked you away well, hadn’t I?
We were tired—
emptied out.
Veterans of a past too heavy,
seeking nothing now but peace.

Empty encounters.
Beautiful women, yes—
charming,
kind,
good souls.
But conversations flat,
wearing too many faces.

Everyone with their own agenda.

Bad omen.

And then…
she arrived.

She vibrated differently.
She smiled differently.
She moved differently.
She did everything differently.

Of course, you fell at first sight.
And I—clear-headed—
forced to be the adult for us both.

She was perfection, embodied.
Even the way she looked at me—
unmatched.

My defenses fell one by one.
I felt you grin at each collapse.

And I admit it…
I believed too.
We both gave in,
without restraint.

Ah… if only—
if only—
we had known.

Act VIII — The Final Judgment

Life had regained its thousand colors again.
You, my heart,
a sublime field of flowers.
And I—the guardian—
hypnotized by the softness.

I should have known…
I saw too much meaning in it.

Everything felt right, didn’t it?
We believed so.
A beautiful life,
balanced,
shared.
Growing,
breathing success.

Peace,
respect—
happiness carefully cultivated.

And still, we weren’t blind.
Far from ego,
far from sin.

We remembered the lesson from last time.
But it wasn’t enough—
not against what was coming.

Another fear,
even as we seemed perfect.
Wise,
steady,
untouched by chaos.

So is it wrong,
really,
when everything is done right?

Fidelity—
willing, devoted,
almost a quiet servitude.

Tell me…
you—
tell me why.

Why did the carnage fall on me again?

Once more, I gave you the reins.
Look where it led us.

Our beloved—
in our bed with another man.

The same crime,
the same face as ours.
That moment when you let ego take the lead.
That innocent soul…
brutally cut down.

Karma perhaps—
what does it matter?

The eternal executioner,
whispering, present.
The sentence fell,
undeniable.

You—
shattered into a thousand pieces.

Me—
left with the scars.

Can you still claim…
innocence?

Act IX — The Final Word

Do you still think I’m blaming you for nothing?
How many times have you pushed me toward the fall?
I truly believed you wished me well.
I really thought you were my friend.

I’m tired—
can’t you feel it?
Tired of playing in your foolish games.

Honestly, I don’t understand you anymore.
I never knew you could be this cruel.

Why do you force me to stay
where I’m clearly not wanted?

Why do you push me to give myself
to someone who doesn’t want you either?

Do you love suffering that much?

They shove you away,
yet you refuse to leave.

They humiliate you,
and you climb back on the scaffold.

How can you be so foolish?

There are moments when I hate you,
you know.

You play innocent,
you drag me down.
Manipulation,
betrayal—

what do you have to say for yourself?

Old stubborn fool.
Clumsy,
confused,
unaware.
My enemy…
my old friend—

when did we start misunderstanding each other?

Maybe—
just maybe…

Ah, if life…

Act X — What If…

Wait—
hold on a moment.

Come closer,
come here.

Let’s forget the mistakes and talk,
shall we?
About us,
about life,
about the hard truths.

You were wrong,
and so was I.

I blamed you,
caged you,
neglected you.

But tell me—
what else could I have done?

We were misunderstood,
wounded,
drifting apart.

Our fight?
Useless,
pure ignorance.

Here’s the harsh reality:

I breathe because you live.
If you die,
there’s nothing left—
no echo.

Maybe now,
it’s time we stop fighting for control.
Me, the rational one;
you, the reckless one.

Ego, fear—this division?
To the slaughterhouse.

Imagine—
truly imagine.
A quiet joy,
a rebellious peace.

You and me together;
unshakable.

Hunters,
not preys.

Oh my heart,
walk with me.
My heart,
don’t move without me.

Together, strong—
we are the crown.
Let love bow to our laws.

Not me without you…

and you

with me.

Author’s Note:

“The heart has its reasons that reason itself does not know.”
This line has grown with me. At one point, it fascinated me. Then, I began to truly resent it. There came a time when it felt like my heart had stopped being my ally— and had become my opponent instead.

So I started to wonder… If I could sit across from my own heart, what would I honestly say to it?

These poems are a few of those answers. They are shaped from my experiences, but also from imagination and observation— a movement from chaos toward peace.

And you— if you could sit down and speak openly, directly to your own heart what would you say?

The Mirror Room

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