Indeed. Like the eyes don’t ask for nothing for seeing things, it’s just their function. I truly believe giving should be the same, because it’s who we decide to be.
I've been practising this since reading Dr. Henry Cloud's book.
Normally, I would not give to get, but as it can be subtle, it is good to have a way of checking in with ourselves.
So, if we say... I think I'll give (such and such) a Christmas present..
We must stop and ask ourselves.. do I want to give them a gift? Am I choosing to give from a full heart, or is it obligation? Why do I think I should give to them?
The reason for this is that there will be no resentment.. we give because we want to give.
This way, we are being honest with ourselves and others.
I’m glad to know that you’ve been practicing this long enough. It cost me a lot pain and effort to finally understand it.
It was like: it my heart I wanted to give, my in my mind I expected something, thinking that others would do the same for me. How many times I said to myself that I won’t giving anymore, I won’t help anymore but to end up ending and helping again and again.
And I understand it, giving is a part of me. It makes me feel better, and I stop expecting from it anymore. More peace, freedom, balanced…
The imbalance can come from a childhood wound where being nice made us feel safe and get love. But, in healthy relationships the flow of giving and receiving in more 50/50.
When we stop giving, it's interesting to see what happens. Sometimes the other person will step up and give more.. other times, the relationship dies as we have been the only ones giving.
“giving stops being generous the moment it becomes a contract” — excuse me?? why are you saying my inside thoughts out loud.
the invisible ledger bit made me squirm because yep, i’ve been quietly waiting for the receipt to balance.
i really like that this isn’t telling me to stop caring. it’s more like hey, you can put the bag down. give where you feel whole, not where you feel owed.
this feels like unclenching without drama. i needed that...
And maybe, I say maybe, your children love you more you think it.
Sometimes we have specific demands, standards and expectations. Those are the things that hurt the most when they are not met. And maybe they love you differently, not the way you expected.
And this I know for sure, the universe always balances things. You give and you’ll receive. Maybe not from the people you expected to receive it but you’ll receive.
It’s natural to want to be loved and as Marcus Aurelius said it, if something is natural it can be harmful.
I agree with your thoughts about giving. Giving should never have strings. Thank you.
Indeed. Like the eyes don’t ask for nothing for seeing things, it’s just their function. I truly believe giving should be the same, because it’s who we decide to be.
Thanks, Luna ☺️
Yes, we must give freely.
I've been practising this since reading Dr. Henry Cloud's book.
Normally, I would not give to get, but as it can be subtle, it is good to have a way of checking in with ourselves.
So, if we say... I think I'll give (such and such) a Christmas present..
We must stop and ask ourselves.. do I want to give them a gift? Am I choosing to give from a full heart, or is it obligation? Why do I think I should give to them?
The reason for this is that there will be no resentment.. we give because we want to give.
This way, we are being honest with ourselves and others.
Expectations destroy relationships.
Thanks, Odel.
Happy Christmas. :)
I’m glad to know that you’ve been practicing this long enough. It cost me a lot pain and effort to finally understand it.
It was like: it my heart I wanted to give, my in my mind I expected something, thinking that others would do the same for me. How many times I said to myself that I won’t giving anymore, I won’t help anymore but to end up ending and helping again and again.
And I understand it, giving is a part of me. It makes me feel better, and I stop expecting from it anymore. More peace, freedom, balanced…
Thank you, Órla.
And happy Christmas as well ☺️
The imbalance can come from a childhood wound where being nice made us feel safe and get love. But, in healthy relationships the flow of giving and receiving in more 50/50.
When we stop giving, it's interesting to see what happens. Sometimes the other person will step up and give more.. other times, the relationship dies as we have been the only ones giving.
That’s when it’s important to know we can be good but not being too good. Out boundaries. And find a balance
okay this one gently bonked me on the forehead...
“giving stops being generous the moment it becomes a contract” — excuse me?? why are you saying my inside thoughts out loud.
the invisible ledger bit made me squirm because yep, i’ve been quietly waiting for the receipt to balance.
i really like that this isn’t telling me to stop caring. it’s more like hey, you can put the bag down. give where you feel whole, not where you feel owed.
this feels like unclenching without drama. i needed that...
That’s the point. We are free to be the way we want to be.
Thank you 😊 Asuka
I needed to read this today. It came exactly when I needed it. Thank you
They say that the universe knows what we need and when we need them. I’m glad that it sent this post in your way ☺️
Thanks for reading it !
I deeply resonate with your writing.
I give love to my children, and at the same time, I want to be loved in return.
No matter how much I think about it,
I can’t fully abandon the desire to be loved.
The moment I try to erase that expectation completely,
I feel as if I lose myself instead.
But something shifted for me.
The moment I truly recognized that I want to be loved,
I became less anxious when my children didn’t return that love in the way I hoped.
Yes — you’re right.
I didn’t let go of my desire.
But I became aware of it.
And because I know I’m capable of wanting more,
I blame others far less than I used to.
I understand what you feel.
And maybe, I say maybe, your children love you more you think it.
Sometimes we have specific demands, standards and expectations. Those are the things that hurt the most when they are not met. And maybe they love you differently, not the way you expected.
And this I know for sure, the universe always balances things. You give and you’ll receive. Maybe not from the people you expected to receive it but you’ll receive.
It’s natural to want to be loved and as Marcus Aurelius said it, if something is natural it can be harmful.
Thank you for sharing this !
You’re right.
We often look at love through different lenses.
And when we feel that the love we give and the love we receive are different,
the ego interprets that difference as rejection.
That’s where anxiety arises — and anxiety often turns into anger or even resentment.
I explored this more deeply in my recent essay On the Ego and Respect.
I don’t want to deny the idea that giving is not a transaction.
I agree with that.
But I do hope for a world where we understand why we expect,
where we recognize our expectations,
and where we meet one another with mutual respect rather than silent contracts.
I hope this conversation can be a small opening toward that.
I agree with you.
We should offer them space to get to know us. The right people will make the necessary efforts for that.
And even it’s not transactional, in a way, I think it is. Because relationships should be carried by both sides.
I offer you the space to know me and I take time and allow myself to know you as well. And if we both makes that effort.
We can give without expecting because we know everything will flow naturally.
And what is natural is divine.