The Wisdom of Observation
After welcoming comes observation. We need to question what we feel to understand its meaning.
Today, when I feel frustrated, sad, or angry, I take the time to ask myself why. Why this frustration? Why this rage? Why this sadness? If we listen long enough, we always end up finding the source.
When I started questioning my frustration, I understood that it came from my view of life and my present situation. I love freedom. Deciding what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Every time I had to go to work at Amazon, I felt like I was giving up that freedom. It created tension within me. That was my perspective before. Now that I know its root, I have been able to change the way I see things.
Once we welcome the lightning, we let it flow. And as it flows, we begin to understand the nature of that force. We create a special connection with it. The way we saw it at first is no longer the same.
Welcoming and observing our emotions helps us find their sources. And this understanding improves our daily lives. It also improves our relationships with others.
I often see people who always get angry for the same reasons. They experience the emotion and react automatically. It has happened to me as well.
When I lived in Colombia, around the beginning of 2016, I shared a building with other students from my home country. At first, it was chaos. We argued often. We got angry over everything and nothing.
Then, little by little, those arguments became less frequent. Outbursts of anger happened less often.
What had happened?
We had not really changed. Everyone continued living in their own way. But over time, we began to understand one another. And by observing each other, we learned to tolerate certain behaviors. We understood why the other person reacted that way. A simple truth eventually became clear: it was not meanness, but a combination of circumstances and differences.
When we feel an emotion toward someone, it is essential to understand its root. Once we know the reason, two options open up: tolerate the person or distance ourselves from them.
Isn’t it exhausting to get angry at the same person for the same reason, over and over again?
Sometimes, it is simply a behavior different from our own. An unintentional gesture. Understanding the source of an emotion allows us to act more fairly—with ourselves and with others.
This reminds me of a quote from Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist known for popularizing the concept of emotional intelligence:
“True intelligence is not about being free of emotions, but knowing how to understand them and use them wisely.”
The Benefits of Welcoming and Observing Emotions
The greatest benefit of welcoming and observing emotions, in my opinion, is the ability to eliminate their source or to change our perspective in other to make our lives a little better.
As human beings, we have the right to feel all kinds of emotions. There is no shame in that. If I feel jealous of someone, I take the time to observe that jealousy and find where it comes from. And once I have identified the source, I can either deal with it or transform it in another way.
When I understood the reason behind my frustration, I could not leave my job at Amazon at that moment. But I was able to change my perspective. That job was no longer a failure, but a way to achieve my dream. And that difference is much healthier and more peaceful for me.
One of my friends really does not like being in debt. It gets him all worked up. If he owes me money, every time he sees me or I call him, it is the first thing he mentions. Even when it has absolutely nothing to do with the conversation. And to be honest, it is annoying.
At first, I would get really angry. First, because I do not like debt ruining a friendship. Second, because his behavior made me feel like he thought badly of me. As if I were harassing him or trying to hurt him.
One day, while talking with him in front of other friends, he explained to us why he reacted that way. I still do not like that behavior, but now I understand it. So when he owes me something, I either avoid him until the repayment date, or I mentally prepare myself to hear him complain.
In any case, by understanding the source of my anger, I was able to manage it in a way that works for me.
If there is a leak in your house, you look for it. You find it. You fix it. And that way, you make the problem disappear.
To be continued…
Mirror Question:
Think of an emotion you keep feeling for the same reason. Have you ever taken the time to understand where it really comes from?
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Odel’s Note
Thank you for reading. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. I always enjoy reading them and joining the conversation.
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With Clarity,
Odel A.
The Mirror Room